Your Kids Know Better Than You

Thinking about the future?  Your kids aren't.  No sir, no wasting time on  stuff that doesn't exist yet. They are working hard on right now.  So what if that work involves running back and forth from the living room to the kitchen screaming "Don't punch my butt!"  The point is they know how to keep busy with whatever is happening right around them.

I think this is a form of wisdom.  Maybe it's also a form of survival.  They don't need to be globally connected.  They're plugged into the moment.

A nice thing is, that if you're there with them, you too can benefit from their wisdom.  I highly recommend this.  Get sucked into games with young children.  That is the real world for them, and they're happy to have you join them there.

There's nothing like it.  And it's that feeling that makes me sad, when I think about my kids growing up and unplugging from the magic and beauty of this present moment.

Give Them What They Want

This is for those of us who struggle daily with the desire to give our children whatever they want, even though they don't always deserve it, and even though they won't be duly grateful.  We're screwed, we're stuck - because this isn't going away.

We know they must learn patience, humility, cooperation, ...reality.  But sometimes we just want to give them stuff.  We are hip to the dangers of instant gratification.  We understand that, as adults, they will have to pick and choose among that which is available to to them.  Why is it, then, that we can have such a hard time resisting the urge to just say "Here." - "Here you go.  Take it.  You can have it."?

I decided to take it easy on myself and not feel guilty whenever I do give in and give my kids the thing they haven't earned or don't necessarily deserve.

I'll try to be wise and mature and hold back the constant urge to make them happy.  But sometimes, I'm just going to give them what they want.  After all, I can use a little instant gratification myself once in a while.  :-)

The Most Selfish

Having a child is the closest you can come to owning another person.  It's the most selfish thing you could possibly do - And there is nothing more wonderful or fulfilling.

What Does It Mean To Forge A Path?

All true progress must be improvisation by nature.  It's impossible to get to a new place by following an old  path.

Sometimes Love is Gross - Got a Problem With That?

If there's one thing I've learned as a 49 year-old dad, it's that your children don't believe in wear and tear.   They'll do everything in their power to wear you down physically and mentally (and that's without even trying!).

I've been forty-nine for just about one whole day, so far.  Luckily only two of my three children are sick with strep and rashes and buckets of phlegm, and the rest of us are a single snot-face away from pure exhaustion.  I know you don't want to hear about this stuff, so I'll continue...

By the way,  there are actually more things that I've learned...  I now know that it's perfectly fine to walk around with the crusty remains of god-knows-what on your sleeve, especially when you have more children than you have arms.  Also, once you've achieved a certain level of intimacy while caring for a baby as they grow into a child, things that once seemed gross don't even make you flinch.

"Your daughter just smeared snot all over your pants."  That's okay.  "There's vomit on you, honey."  So what.  "There's a wet spot on your shirt."  Who cares.  "You smell like poop." And?    - Seriously, I'm not exaggerating.

The truth is - when you love someone this much - they could literally hand you a mouth-full of slimy, chewed-up food (it's happened more times than I can count), and you'd accept it the same way you would if it were a handful of change at the checkout counter.

Love may stink - but if it's yours, you'll walk around with it on you all day.

One Bridge You Mustn't Burn

It may not seem like it, but when you get married, you start building something.  You and your spouse are co-creators of an entity.  You can call it a family, a business, a home, or a combination of these and other things.  It's a positive thing, to be sure.  But it can become large and burdensome over time, if it's not constantly infused with warmth.

Perhaps the married couple buy a home.  Almost immediately, each member begins fulfilling responsibilities around the home.  From sweeping the front porch to paying the bills, there are dozens of responsibilities that must be constantly take care of.  Add children to this, and you add the instant potential for being overwhelmed on a regular basis.

Again, this is a positive position to be in, but it's no small matter.  You've got to communicate to keep this baby intact (pun intended).  Even when you don't have the time and means to be thorough, you must be crystal clear.  This is Houston transmitting to Mars.  You often can't even shake hands, but you have to share control of a ship that must be steered with pinpoint accuracy.  The lines of communication must always be open - day and night.

Those lines must also always be drawn tight.  For they support the entire operation.  Like a sturdy bridge over an unnavigable river - constantly exposed to the elements - the builders of the family must provide safe passage for their own without ever letting go of their partner.

And to you, single parents, I remain in awe.  You have secured the help to shoulder the whole load, only when you must.  You return, then, always to bear the whole weight of the operation again and again.  I'm becoming familiar with the true strength of love, but this still baffles and uplifts me.

Remember, there's no subject too big or too small.  And no issue is ever off the table.

Screw Your Agenda

Look, I'm a baby.  I have a very simple agenda.  It involves being fed by you, held by you, entertained by you, and basically just constantly focused on by you. All that other stuff, such as changing my diapers, bathing me, relentlessly inspecting every last nook and cranny of my adorable little body,  I just let you do that to pass the time.  And as far as dressing me goes, that is nothing more than a gift - reluctantly given - from me to you.  Frankly, I don't understand the big deal with clothes.  What's the point?  You put them on, I spit up on them, you wash them, then you magically produce another clean onesie.  I know where my food comes from, but I don't have a name for it.  I just think of it as the milk bar below your face.  If you don't have a milk bar, then you're lucky if I do so much as fall asleep on you.  Let's get something else straight.  I don't know what you're saying.  I hear sounds coming out of you, but they just go up and down and let me know if you're happy or frustrated with me.  Mainly your words get my attention and make me think you're going to feed me.  And when it turns out that you're not going to feed me, I'm allowed to yell at you, or - in my case - cry at you.  I'm even allowed to carry on in the loudest, most piercing tone, when I have absolutely no idea what it is that I want or need.  I just know i'm not currently satisfied.  Please don't explain that I'm just tired, I'm very busy being mad at something I can't identify.  And ultimately -  while I do prefer to be with you - I don't really care about you.  I can't.  I have no capacity for sympathy.  But I do love you.  And, more importantly, I allow you to love me. :-)

One more thing:  I have no understanding of sleep.  While I do fall asleep a lot, I have no idea that I need it.  And I'm not aware of you sleeping at all.  This means I have zero concern or even curiosity when it comes to your sleeping requirements.  You are always there for me - so I can't conceive of you even resting (or what rest is, for that matter).  If it's true that you do require sleep, I strongly recommend you sleep every time I do.  Otherwise you'll be passing out at inopportune times throughout the day, only to be woken up by my piercing cry.  I'd say that's a promise, but I don't know what that means.

Now remind me again - what is EVERY SINGLE THING?