Need a Plan?

No plans for next Saturday? Try this:
Wake up with plenty of time to leave to go wherever you go on Saturday, but still end up rushing to get everyone and everything out the door. Buckle the kids in, jump in and hear nothing when you turn the key, since the battery is dead. One of you hook the jumper cables up from your other car and start those engines, while the other calls to say you'll be late. Fill the garage with exhaust fumes while trying a few times before the car revs to life. Then you're off - keep the windows down to help get rid of that nasty exhaust fume haze. Park the car and enjoy whatever that next thing is, then pack everyone and everything back into the car in time for it not to start again. Now begin scouting around to ask friendly people for a jump. Enjoy being turned down by a number of people because these are progressive times when we can look everything up on our phones, but we still don't trust anyone. Finally someone from a throw-back era agrees to give you a jump. Again, it doesn't spring to life the first time, but it cranks up after a few minutes. Then take a breather and let Saturday run it's course for a bit. Now it's time for a couple of errands right before nap time. Notice the car being jerky, then having no pep, then coasting to an almost stop. Before it stops, jump out and run alongside as your partner slides over into the driver's seat. Now start to push. That's right. While you're pushing your whole family and everything in your minivan, have a conversation about your most current plight with your spouse who is steering. Encounter a hill and lean further and further forward using all your strength until the last ounce has your face inches from the pavement and your partner senses your defeat and lovingly applies the break. Notice nosey/helpful dude who offers to give you a lift to the nearest gas station. You have nothing to carry fuel in, but he suggests a water bottle with no long nozzle to dispense gasoline. Know that won't work, but go ahead anyway. Leave your stranded spouse and children in the hot sun and climb in the cramped back seat and listen to Bill Jasper and his fiance, Rhonda bicker in an honest, yet uncommitted way. Calmly answer your spouse's semi-panicked text inquiring if you'll ever see each other again. Arrive at the gas station, buy a conveniently over-priced container and fill it with exactly $6 worth of gas. Cool because you find out later that you only have $6.35 in that particular account. After returning to your family, pouring the gas in the tank while spilling as little as possible - don't be truly surprised when the car still doesn't start. Call your roadside assistance peeps, navigate an excruciating phone menu, at long last, talk to a person long enough to explain every single aspect of the situation before trying to star the car one more time - this time successfully. Now head to the gas station to fill up your large tank at a time when gas prices are higher than they've been in a long, long time (attempt to use the card on the account with only 35 cents left before using another account). Now your battery is adequately charged, your tank is full and you're not taking anything for granted, but you agree with each other that having cell phones is pretty darn handy - even if you don't have the fanciest phones or the fanciest plans. Now you ought to have enjoyed sufficient physical exhaustion from pushing your car with your whole family in it, and suffient psychological stress from having endured two dead batteries and one empty gas tank in a single day, - so you should be in good shape to be able to really relax and enjoy the rest of the day. Unfortunately you're slated to attend a birthday party with a giant bounce house full of sugar crazed kids who you must keep from inadvertently squashing your somewhat smaller kids. Lots of fun! Oops, you weren't able to squeeze in naptime, so prepare for a cranky bed time. That's cool, because maybe SNL will be a new one. If you're lucky you won't fall asleep before or during the best/only decent sketch (it's okay, you can watch it online later in the week). Cheers!