Note: The bulk of this blog post was written over a year ago. The nearly complete draft remained unfinished while I changed diapers and obsessed about day-to-day stuff - most which of I've already forgotten.
We're expecting a son, and with two big sisters eager to show him the sights, it's occurred to me that those sights may not be seen from a typical perspective. We're raising our girls to be self-respecting individuals who largely ignore traditional gender stereotypes. This is an ongoing effort, and one on which we're determined to remain focused. But it isn't easy. We remind them how smart and strong they are on a regular basis (particularly following another compliment about how beautiful, cute, pretty, or sweet they are). Sports do not reign in our home, nor do they claim a spot in our cubbies, a channel on our remote, a day on our weekly calendar, or even a post or tweet on our online personas.
Then they turn on the tv or leave the house and they're bombarded.
Boys play with trucks, they build things. Girls play with dolls and dress up. Boys are strong and fast. Girls are pretty and clean. Boys run around and throw things. Girls are "dramatic" (a definition I loathe that makes this a negative thing) and sensitive (again - what in the world is wrong with being sensitive?).
Why so many balls? There are balls on everything - footballs, soccer balls, baseballs, tennis balls, basketballs. Boys don't enjoy playing with balls any more than girls, but it's the boys who are funneled into playing sports as soon as they can walk. Every young child LOVES to play with balls as do many adults - though only a tiny fraction wind up as professional athletes.
Why is it more "natural" for boys to want to hit a ball and girls to want to dance? Why does our society so vigorously reinforce so many blatant and unproductive conventions? Why do people hang on to these criteria for boys versus girls, even when they are widely accepted as little more than scientifically unsubstantiated stereotypes?
I literally want to yell - "Don't tell me exactly how my boy will be different from my girls!!!" (and for goodness sakes, don't say boys will be boys).
We're not going to have a linebacker, or little champ, let alone a Hero. at first he'll be a baby, and he'll live under the rule of his big sisters for years (probably his whole life). But the inability to drive a tank, tractor or monster truck will not mean he's not typical.
In fact, I can't wait to see how he joins his sisters - how he emulates and opposes them. What a wonderful thing to watch my children welcome a new baby, and to watch my new baby meet my children!
The masculine and feminine qualities of my kids - and all children - are varied in a random, untraceable way. I will do my best not to label them, nor look for them to be typical in any way. The most important thing is to let them be themselves. I want to raise them to have high expectations for their own lives - whatever they are - rather than live up to my expectations.
PART II
My son is 17 months old now. He seeks his sisters out at every opportunity, and plays on his own with equal enthusiasm.
He's got a powerful kick, particularly when he's not wearing princess shoes - a favorite of his - from one of our costume bins.
Seeing our children play together is such a wonderful thing. Imagining them as adults, years from now, still close, is one of my greatest hopes.
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