Modern Conveniences: Meet Baby!

Hey baby - why won't you let this mechanical thing put you to sleep?  We've strapped you safely in, and we set it to swing automatically back and forth at a comfortable medium speed.  We even turned the halfway decent music component on to play you a lullaby over and over and over.  We put a blanket on you and we  dimmed the lights.  We're close by across the room here.  Just because you're too cranky to open your eyes wide enough to see us and know we're here, doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to drift off to sleep.  Just because the plastic and metal machine with no warmth or heartbeat doesn't feel exactly like a body for you to melt into, doesn't mean you couldn't also doze off in exhaustion in your makeshift sleep space.  We worked hard to figure out which contraption we could purchase and plug in so that you could be gently and sweetly lulled off to dreamland by this modern convenience that was made in China and folds up to fit under our bed whenever you grow out of it.  So what exactly is the  reason you can't seem to accommodate our needs by being content while belted into this modern baby device and just falling asleep as if you were being cradled by a real person?  Go ahead, you can tell us.  Just make it snappy, we have to update our Facebook status, compose an eye-catching Tweet, send a pic of you out over Instagram and then get busy writing on our blogs...