Sorry - My Hands Are Full...

You know what I like? -  holding a baby.  Other than the obvious reasons, I've come to really enjoy the freedom that comes with holding a baby.  I'm referring, of course to the freedom from having to actually do anything other than stand there cradling the child,  - It's truly the most wonderful thing!  You're literally obliged to NOT lift a finger, since you're already doing your part, simply by holding a baby.  You're free from having to pick up anything that falls - even if you're the one who dropped it.  People open doors for you, they throw your trash out, some folks will even feed you.  Let's face it, your hands are occupied with a tiny person - you can't just put down a baby.  So go ahead, grab a baby, and start littering!

Note To Self

Dear Me,

I am writing this from the middle of a living room which is the opposite of tidy.  This is significant because I'm a total everything-in-it's-place kind of guy.  I mean this, not in a personality way, rather in an OCD way.  Netflix is filling the room with the sounds and colors of another kid's show (one of the many that my wife and I find acceptable. Yes, our kids watch many shows.)  At this moment, my wife is preparing for an upcoming class she's going to teach, while holding our two-month-old.  My five-year-old is playing a game on my iPod, one I myself haven't figured out.  My three-year-old is watching the tv.  Right now, I am not parenting.  I'm close-by and ready to help, but I'm doing nothing to contribute.  I have changed several diapers this morning - prepared, served, and cleaned up breakfast for our two older children, and spent time holding our baby.  I haven't had time to change out of my pjs yet, I've chosen to utilize free moments to dash to the bathroom.  But now I'm indulging myself too write this to you, because it's important that you hear it from someone who is a dad right now.

I just opened a new magazine to read.  My favorite magazine is National Geographic, and I just tore the wrapping off of this issue - dated September 2012.  This issue came with an insert about Mauna Kea - The world's tallest mountain (32,696ft from sea floor to summit).  I need to read every word on the insert, so I'll have to keep it out and available for whenever the opportunity arises.

My middle child is rubbing her pink elephant's leg along her eyebrow.  My oldest daughter's green bear is in their light blue to-go-upstairs bin.  I try to always know where the kids loveys (comforting stuffed animals) are.  When they need them, there's zero acceptable wait time.  I know which of their blankets they prefer and their likely vicinity.  I also know where my wife's essentials are most likely to be;  the phone, her cell phone, iPad mini, the four remotes, purse, wallet, coupon holder, water glass,...etc.  Etcetera is a lot of things from my point of view.  As a dad, "etcetera" is basically every single thing in your home.  This is no exaggeration because whenever you need something, you have no time allotted to look for it, only to get it.  Get it?

For example when I go to the bathroom, I rarely close the door.  I will be needed soon, if not immediately.  Time spent closing, and opening the bathroom door is a luxury.  Plus, I'll likely be visited while I'm in there, so I might as well save my visitor the trouble of having to open the door - though they're more than happy to do so.

This is a totally acceptable normal scenario for you/me right now.  Think of it as the Good
Old Days, - or - maybe as the days when you were raising your children instead of sleeping.  As for me, I wasn't really thinking about it until I wrote this down.  And I have to say, I'm afraid I might be coming off a tad kooky.  If so, please save this piece of writing as a documentation of my former sanity.

From this perspective, raising humans in your home 24 hours a day makes raising dinosaurs seem just a little risky and possibly annoying.

Hello, these are my pet dinosaurs:  Risky and Annoying.

Hi,  These are my children:  What are your names again?

Big Faker

These days, I've realized that I'm such a fake compared to my 3 month old son.  He neither dwells on the past nor invokes the future, his mind is literally never anywhere else.  Right now, this moment, that's all he considers.  Not only does he never lie, he doesn't even exaggerate - ever!  He communicates his feelings and desires the moment they happen.  He doesn't hold a grudge.  He never tries to manipulate anyone, and he's absolutely incapable of holding anything in.  This, of course, mainly includes hiccups, burps, toots, pee, and his own personal version of poop - currently a shade of mustard with the consistency of melted butter.  On the other hand, I hold almost everything in - and sometimes for quite a while!

Wow! - Have I got a lot to learn!

Modern Conveniences: Meet Baby!

Hey baby - why won't you let this mechanical thing put you to sleep?  We've strapped you safely in, and we set it to swing automatically back and forth at a comfortable medium speed.  We even turned the halfway decent music component on to play you a lullaby over and over and over.  We put a blanket on you and we  dimmed the lights.  We're close by across the room here.  Just because you're too cranky to open your eyes wide enough to see us and know we're here, doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to drift off to sleep.  Just because the plastic and metal machine with no warmth or heartbeat doesn't feel exactly like a body for you to melt into, doesn't mean you couldn't also doze off in exhaustion in your makeshift sleep space.  We worked hard to figure out which contraption we could purchase and plug in so that you could be gently and sweetly lulled off to dreamland by this modern convenience that was made in China and folds up to fit under our bed whenever you grow out of it.  So what exactly is the  reason you can't seem to accommodate our needs by being content while belted into this modern baby device and just falling asleep as if you were being cradled by a real person?  Go ahead, you can tell us.  Just make it snappy, we have to update our Facebook status, compose an eye-catching Tweet, send a pic of you out over Instagram and then get busy writing on our blogs...

Hold Onto The Little Things

Dads:  Hold your babies.  I mean this in the most basic and direct way.  Hold your daughter or your son as often as you possibly can.  Those of you with children six months or older know just how fast this time goes by.  They are tiny little bundles for such a short time, and nothing can capture that state of sweet, warm,  perfection like the feeling of your baby in your arms.

Every time you hold your baby, you feel better than the moment before.  Even when you're exhausted, in a hurry, distracted or otherwise preoccupied - the second you have their body against yours, you are immediately exactly where you belong in the universe.  Let's face it, that can never happen too often.

We are all busy, regardless of occupation, family make-up,  or caregiver situation.  We are all busy.  But babies are only babies for what seems like a few precious moments in time, whenever you look back at them.  You pick up your baby, and bury your face in them, and it never fails to overwhelm you in the best way imaginable.  It's as if their physical bodies are a drug you made unwittingly.  It is the most perfect and most selfish thing you can do, to hold your own child.  This is why you must do it often.  Not as often as you "can," or as often as "necessary," but as often as they are available to you.

I say this, knowing that I haven't held my 3 month old baby enough.  This is my third child, and yet, I haven't embraced the lesson I'm trying to articulate here.  I'm afraid I've failed in exactly that, which I'm insisting you do.  I'm hoping you'll take this to heart, and we will all do better.  I should be holding my son right now.  As I write this, he's nestled in a Boppy on our love seat just a few feet away from me.  I should be holding him, and dictating these words into my iPod - or - perhaps not typing at all.  This "sacrifice" of time holding him, is not worth it for the sake of getting my message out, but I'm an obsessive writer.  I should be writing this while my wife is nursing our baby - the only time when I'm truly justified in giving him up.

Now I'm holding my little guy to my cheek.  He's awake and jerkily testing his muscles.  Tiny feet poke into my side as He moves his head busily back and forth.  These simple - yet precious - movements are experiences a parent should relish even more than a stunning sunset, or last minute championship goal!

Now you!

Selfish Poem

Nothing More

I want My family

My career,  my life

I want my kids and my wonderful wife

I want steam coming off of my dream

I want the chaos and the clutter and the happy screams

I want the chasing and the crying and the sweet extremes

I never knew anything like this before

And now that I know,

I want nothing more.

Even Royalty Must Bathe

I got the bath ready to give my little girls a shower while they tidied up their room.  When I stepped out to tell them it was ready, they had apparently finished cleaning up.  In the meantime, they had set up a small tea party and donned fancy princess dress-up slippers and teapot-lid crowns -  and nothing else.  I burst into a laugh, at which the older one said "Are you laughing because we're naked? - Because we have to be naked so you won't yell at us for not being ready when you come to get us for our shower."  I told her I appreciated the practicality of their simple costumes, and requested that their highnesses please remove their crowns and shed their shoes so that I might bathe them...

The 'Busy Day' Myth

When two children each "urgently" need something different at the same time, and from the same adult, the adult is very likely to experience a combined feeling of annoyance, frustration, desperation, panic, and failure.  This feeling tempts parents to tell their friends who don't have children that they are NEVER allowed to complain about how busy they are.

While this may seem like an exaggeration, or otherwise unreasonable, it's simultaneously very real, and  - well, just ...never mind.