Let Me Break It Down For You

I can change a tire. I can hook up jumper cables. Yep, that's all I can do besides pump gas. Wait, wait! I can refill my windshield washer fluid too. I do plenty of stuff myself around the home, but i'm not inclined to fix my car. I rely on word-of-mouth to find a good mechanic. My current "mechanic" is a chain that's close by and doesn't seem to rip me off. But how am I honestly supposed to know the difference? I don't know what they do with my car. All I know is whether or not it drives. Here's my beef: Why are mechanics allowed to charge more when they have to take something apart? Right? I understand the basic parts & labor concept - it seems fair enough. So why, do they have to explain to me that something costs more because they had to take it apart? Isn't that precisely why I've brought in my car in the first place? When a mechanic says "We have to take off the whole door panel" or "we'll need to remove the framostat to get to your timing belt" or "we had to dismantle part of the hyperbonic-turbo-incabulator to access your brake light fuse" I want to say "Yeah? So what! Does this mean I'm going to have to pay you extra - since you had to remove some parts of my car and put them back together? That's what I brought my car here to pay you for in the first place! You take it apart. You put it back together. You fix it. That is the description of an auto mechanic. That's what you are supposed to do!" Does a baseball player get paid extra for running the bases after hitting the ball? Should I pay an additional price for a pizza place to box up my order and hand it to me once they've already made the whole pizza? Will a lawyer expect more compensation for explaining the contents of the documents you're signing once he's drawn them up? I just don't see the justification for bothering to tell me what you had to take apart to fix my car - as if I'll then understand why you charged me extra. Don't imply that i'm paying you for doing two jobs. You're not fixing my car and, ALSO, fixing my car. It's one job. Please just fix it and call me when you're done. And if you repair the thing we agreed upon, then you did NOTHING extra. So if you're going to charge me extra, keep it to yourself. I'll stick with you as long as I choose. Although, I may stop respecting you far sooner than that.

Hair chair

I just took part in the time-honored tradition of sitting in a chair in the middle of the kitchen floor getting a haircut from my wife. Actually, it was only a trim. Nevertheless, it delivered the full effect of not being too proud to save a few bucks and still having the privilege of sweeping up my own hair afterwards. Many a husband and son (or daughter?) have shared the sweet spot on the tiled or linoleum floor as tufts, wisps and clumps of hair float down around their ankles. It's oddly meditative. Sitting there, nearly motionless - at first to avoid the accidental earlobe or forehead scissor poke, then to encourage an eventual end to the task as the teacher inevitably loses focus and stamina and seems to just want it to end. At that point the patient - or - harcuteee instinctively adopts the physical attitude of - "please finish off without rushing but don't go too fast, but make it quick for our sanity. I can picture myself in that chair

Save The Drama

I like old expressions, such as dude and bummer. I also like new ones, like peeps - and even newer ones, like belieber (believer in Justin Bieber). I am often put off, however, by blanket statements. I was taking a workshop on something or other, in which one of the instructors said to "save the drama for the stage." This is poor communication, a flawed analogy and bad semantics at the very least. I give those who utter this tired phrase the benefit of the doubt and assume they are attempting to say "please don't overreact without first having an adult conversation." Drama is being substituted for being touchy, over reacting, or complaining too much, or being over-dramatic. This is not what drama means. Drama has to do with human interaction and conflict on the tv, screen or stage (it actually comes from the Greek word meaning "action"). I realize that drama in colloquial terms often refers to people who have too many problems or complaints or perhaps a short fuse. That's fine, and is to be readily understood as such in context. If someone says something like "keep your drama to yourself," or "don't be so dramatic," or "ease up on the drama," or - something like that - that's clear communication. But, when I hear "save the drama for the stage," there is a clear implication that the stage is a place where people over react, behave extremely touchy, or carry on about irrelevant material. That's not what goes on - on stage. As a theatre artist, I don't appreciate the pigeon-holing of the term 'stage.' It almost sounds like "save your crap for the stage." Crap has its place, but not on the stage. I would like instead to say: Please keep your crap OFF the stage. I have a healthy respect for slang and colloquialisms, but I try to maintain a general respect for different meanings within different contexts. I hope this is clear. If not, save your complaints for the suggestion box, box step, stepping stone, stone cold, cold shoulder, shoulder the burden, burden of proof, proof of purchase, ...buyer beware.