Check between the cushions

I like watching tv to be entertained and lower my stress. But I find myself watching a little too long - then I wind up watching really crappy tv. The only thing worse than really crappy tv, is really crappy tv - late at night - when you should be sleeping. I need a tv that turns off automatically after it's been on for several hours. A message could pop up on the screen that says buffering, initializing, checking for viruses or de-crap-ifying, followed by the time it will turn on again.

Am I too lazy to turn off the tv? Yes. But here's my question: Why do I expend more energy wandering the living room trying to locate the remote, than I would by just walking over to the actual tv and pushing a button. I guess it's because I demand convenience, and I'm going to search and search and search for it until I've found it. I'll be damned if I don't enjoy that convenience with the handy remote rather than actually trekking all the way to the tv and pushing the one button with my spoiled finger.

Exercising Restraint

Do you ever have to hold your child down? At some point, you have to. You have to take her temperature, force feed her medicine, suck the snot out of her - the list goes on. It takes two to manage this. One partner restricts hands, arms and legs the best they can. The other tries to negotiate the head or other end with minimal success. It is at these times, you note the amazing ability of your child to unleash formidable body-language. This tiny person, restrained by two much larger and more coodinated people, can still manage to wriggle, writhe, wrest and often break free - albeit briefly - from two pairs of much bigger hands. How do they do it? I'll tell you how: They fear for their life. It's instinctive. Imagine how you might cringe a little if someone were about to give you a shot. Now; consider the strength you'd suddenly be able to muster if someone (or two) had a hold of you and you TRULY BELIEVED that they were going to kill you. You'd give them a run for their money, no matter how big they were. How? Simple; Self-preservation. Don't feel bad. When they grow up, they rarely recall those times when they thought you were trying to kill them. They subconciously blocked them out - as all healthy adults should. Cheers!
--Signed,
Please do everyone a favor and forget to videotape these moments.

I'm A Baby

I’m a baby. I’m learning how to stand. It’s a big deal for me.

I appreciate your support, but please don’t insist on wiping my face at the first sign of drool or snot. I realize it would bother you if it were all over your face, but – honestly – I don’t mind it that much. So, when I’m using all my strength and negligible coordination to pull myself up onto the coffee table, please don’t swoop in with a wipe and drag it across my little face. Perhaps you’ve noticed that I cry out in protest, EVERY SINGLE TIME you do this. It’s just a little fluid, that’s all. If you really believe it bothers me, how do you suppose I can tolerate a squishy poop spreading itself all over my bottom (and sometimes up my back), until you get around to changing my diaper? If I’m going to wallow in my own poop for that long, you should know that I couldn’t care less about a little dribble. So, the next time you reach for that millionth wad of unwelcome tissue or scratchy wash cloth, consider my priorities for a change.

Thanks,

Your baby :-)

Ever Onward, Through The Fog

It's really late at night and a heavy fog is blanketing my neighborhood. There's a ghostly line of trees at the back of the yard. The moon is there - a reminder that the fog is just a layer of mystery, not permanent. Every time I think about it, the fog quiets my thoughts. It's oddly oppressive and comforting at the same time. Like time. Ever onward - never knowing exactly what's coming.

Watching Them Eat

I don't need to see grown men eating in commercials. It's enough that I have to watch my three-year-old eat. I love her so much - but sometimes it seems like she just smears the food on her lips and teeth and cheeks. I say "Sweetheart, why do you have to eat like that?" And she smiles, revealing more food stuck in all the nooks and crannies of her mouth. Somehow I manage to keep my own food down - barely. But, watching grown men eating mouthfuls of food on a big-screen tv...now that's disgusting.

Selfish Me

I've heard people say that it's selfish to grow up and never have a child. While some people just want to enjoy their adulthood "unencumbered" by the immeasurable responsibility of raising children, others consider this to be selfish.
I have a daughter who is seven months old, and whom I just rocked to sleep for the 100th time. I also have a 3-year-old daughter, and it's likely that I'll have a third someday. I can say, without question, that having a child is the absolute most selfish thing a person could ever do.

Poetry Is In.

Poetry is such sweet genius,
When it's an unloading of life into words.
The warmth of my daughter's soft head nuzzling my shoulder
Is a source of my own personal creative reintroduction to the world.